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Based on the clinical
literature and my clinical experience, it is clear
to me that 'rage attacks' or problems with anger
and aggression are one of the most socially
disabling aspects for many individuals. While some
adults have learned to cope with the problem, their
ongoing struggle sends a clear message to those who
will listen: do not assume that the problems you
see in the child will miraculously remit or just go
away. We need to take the time and make the effort
to help the child or teen learn to manage this
problem via proactive and constructive means,
including cognitive skills and social skills
training, if indicated. Consider this:
If the parent can't
or doesn't stop destructive rages that hurt others
or others' property, and if the school can't or
doesn't stop it, then it will be stopped in the
courts. But it will be stopped, because no matter
what the reason, assaulting others or their
property is unacceptable in most societies.
That said, there is a
difference between holding a child responsible for
their behavior and saying that the child
voluntarily chose to exhibit the behavior. So....
is a child responsible for such behavior? In my
opinion, the answer is usually "Yes, I do think the
child is 'responsible' for their behavior." But by
the same token, we are responsible, too, to give
the child the accommodations, supports, and skills
training they may need.
What do we do, then,
if a 'rage attack' destroys property? What do we do
if our child or student is threatening others or
shouting obscenities at them? It is vastly easier
to prevent a "rage attack" than to stop one or to
deal with one afterwards, but we had still better
instill in the child a sense that they need to make
restitution or reparations. If they punch a hole in
the wall, then they should either repair it
themselves or help the adult repair it. If they
have a "meltdown" and are abusive to their peers,
and they do not say anything or do anything to
restore and repair their relationships with their
peers, they will suffer socially. Children can
learn to protect their relationships with their
peers by taking steps to protect their peers from
their loss of control, by letting their peers know
that they are trying to take steps to deal with the
problem, and by making reparations afterwards if
they do lose control.
We may not be able to
prevent all symptoms at all times, but we can teach
children what it means to be a member of a
community. Yes, I realize that some children and
teens are not fully aware of what they are doing
during a "rage attack" and those who are aware may
find it difficult to accept that they did what they
did or said what they said, but to simply pretend
it didn't happen isn't going to help. Once they
have regained control and things have calmed down,
they can be helped to establish a dialogue with
others to acknowledge what happen and to begin to
repair any damaged relationships.
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