|
After any important event
occurs, the TV repetition makes sure the children
will know something is going on that captures the
attention of everyone. It is important, I think,
that teachers and parents of young children allow
them the time to express what is on their minds.
(Unfortunately, some people think that the
children, in their innocence, will not know about
these world events. Considering this problem over
the past 20 or more years, I haven't found that to
be the case.)
The following recommendations
are based on what I have done with children and
would do this week about the current bombing
situation with children 3 and up. (Please, if you
are dealing with younger children, modify what I
have written in ways you will know better than I
do, perhaps just being physically warmer, rocking
more, making sure they know you are taking good
care of them.)
It is hard for most of us to
move toward an awful subject like this, or death,
or divorce, or earthquake or flood or... but the
children need someone to help them unpack their
thinking and their fears, and to help them know
what the emergency plan, so to speak, is for them.
(And always, it is, "Your grownups at home and your
grownups at school know how to take care of you." I
believe that young children never can hear this too
much.)
In circle, if I had one, or
with small groups repeatedly, until I got to
everyone, I'd ask a provocative question, such as,
"Did anyone hear anything about bombs?" and I'd
leave rather a long silence. (Start counting and
don't even think of saying anything before, say,
75.) Probably one child or more will have a great
deal to say.
Let each of the children
speak at length. (If you have children who talk
long, and most/all want to speak, maybe break into
two groups; if you teach with a partner, each one
will wait less.) I like to make a chart as the
children are telling their concerns. Sammy said his
mom says Bin Ladin is a bad guy; Rosie said bombing
is scary; etc., and the two groups can share their
charts, or tell each other what was said later, or
tomorrow.
Resist the temptation to
correct errors as the children explain what they
think is going on. Validate what they are feeling:
"A lot of people feel that way."
Keep notes, and take a turn
for yourself at the end...or at a later time that
day, if the children are wiggly and need to do
something else. You will want to be heard. (If
postponing my turn, I'd say, "I also have some
things to say about the bombings, but I'm going to
do it after we've been outdoors and
played.")
When it’s your turn,
tell them what you think is going on...don’t
turn attention to their errors, but tell the
version you think is accurate. Do pay attention to
their emotions, as stated and as you perceived
them, and tell them that you know people are
scared, etc., but the grownups will do what has to
be done to make things get better.
If you have learned
specifics, such as "My daddy says children in New
York are getting bombed. I don’t want to be
bombed." then talk about:
- Your parents are doing
everything they can to keep you safe,
- Would you like me to
write down how you feel, and send that to the
President?
You can scribe a letter for
this child, and any other, saying what they feel,
and sending to the proper recipient. Or suggest to
the child, "You could make a picture about the
bombing. You could show the scary stuff, or you
could show how you want it to be,
instead."
Your adult job, as I've
described it here, is to reassure the child,
provided your reassurance is true, that (in the
present situation, and as far as you can see) s/he
is safe and will be cared for. If the children are
in danger, you must point out that all the adults
(including you) are responsible not only for taking
care of the danger, but for taking care of the
children, and will do their very best.
Please consider sending home
a letter telling the parents what you are doing.
Please note that I'm not taking sides on any
conflict in this posting, but I am taking the side
of the children. They must not be left to feel that
they are at risk; they must not be left to feel
confused at what is going on; and they must learn
that people express our concern for others in awful
positions, putting our strong feelings into
considered, appropriate action. (I don't know how I
would advise a family who had someone they loved
die in any of the bombings, and that makes me very
sad, indeed. When anyone is made powerless, we all
suffer.)
|
